The Lost Art of Chivalry........Small Acts of Kindness

The days of chivalry seem to be behind us. Society doesn’t put much weight on kind words and being courteous. It is old fashioned to be nice to a complete stranger or let an older lady have your seat on a bus or the simple act of holding a door open to a stranger behind us. If you drive in the D.C. metropolitan area, you would know that everyone is out for themselves. I usually drive on the notorious Baltimore Washington Parkway, also know as 295, to and from work; like any congested highway, it can take its toll on you. I have noticed I have become more like everybody else and less like what I would like to be. Which begs the question, what happened to good old fashioned chivalry? The stress of modern life seems to strip us of our patience making small acts of kindness redundant.

I have found that when you do small things to make others smile; magic happens. You feel warm and content. A kind word doesn’t cost us anything but makes a world of difference in someone’s life. A simple hug heals broken relationships and builds bridges; it brings such an unexpected joy to the giver and the receiver. A small act of kindness, such as helping an older person carry their grocery to their car or a simple smile to or from a complete stranger instantaneously lightens our soul and brings an unexpected joy into our hearts. A smile is a gift that keeps on giving! We all have our days when we don’t feel like ourselves and it feels like it’s too much of an effort to even crack a smile, but as you greet people with a smile before long you will be in a much better state of mind. It’s hard to stay in a bad mood when you are smiling and your smile will certainly make your environment more cheerful. It’s a lot easier to smile than to frown; it certainly takes less energy and it doesn’t hurt that it generally puts you in a better mood. A smile is an instant facelift without a stitch of makeup.  

Your day will go so much better when you are nicer to the people in your life from your family, friends and colleagues to complete strangers that randomly cross your path. It may not always be what society dictates, but next time try being nice to a complete stranger just for the heck of it and see how it makes you feel. Nowadays, people even feel a tad bit suspicious when you are nice to them. It’s almost like being nice is not an expected behavior. If you are nice to someone who is your boss or has some authority over you, it could be perceived as ‘brown nosing’. Wow! How could we have fallen this far where being nice is not the norm but the exception? No wonder stress has become our constant companion and in the midst of our material abundance, we are less content and more miserable.

The golden rule, ‘Treat others the way you want to be treated’ is a key to a peaceful and joyful life. The world certainly is not fair and the pain we experience can sometimes make us less open and more closed and even cold. We may think it is safer to not put ourselves out there and pretend to not care, so others can’t hurt us. Modern man’s defense mechanism to deal with the stress of  life in these chaotic times is to not be vulnerable, not care enough about others. We may think that being nice is a sign of weakness and we can’t afford to be perceived weak in a world of the survival of the fittest. So we learn to be fiercer and less gentle as matter of necessity to survive the toll of modern life.

Today, in spite of the global economic crisis, most of us living in the western world have a lot more than our basic needs. By the rest of the world’s standard, we may even be considered to live in luxury. So why are we more stressed and less content with families falling apart all around us? I think, unbridled materialism is at the root of our problems. I think it is time for all of us to adopt the lost tradition of being good to our neighbors and being courteous for no particular reason. I would say a little chivalry goes a long way. A small act of kindness such as greeting others with a genuine smile is what we need more in our fast paced, high strung and stress filled lives. Give it a shot today; send a thank you note to a friend or help someone in need or simply be a courteous driver and see how that in turn impacts your life. I dare you to put this principle to a test. See if this won’t make you feel so much better about life in general and make your life more enjoyable.

Like most people, I am impacted by the stress of modern life, but a good old fashioned chivalry is in order. I don’t know about you but I am ready for a change. I want to live a more meaningful life in spite of the challenges I may be facing. A meaningful and grounded life is not found in monumental achievements, but in a life graced by common human decency and chivalry.

Go out and discover the joy found in small acts of kindness. You will find that there is more joy and contentment in giving than receiving.

What about truth

From my quick study of psychology and how the brain works, our perception is not based on the actual ‘TRUTH’ but the truth as we perceive it to be. Let me explain. The truth about any one single matter is established and lucid. Let’s consider a very divisive issue; man was either created or evolved. With the abundance of information and scientific discovery, we are amazed at how intricately life has been formed. From the cells in our bodies to how life is sustained on our planet point to an intelligent mind that is behind the creation of life. The more we learn from science, the more we are intrigued by how intricately life has been formed. Life is not an outcome of happenstance but complex design. Scientific discoveries are unwittingly making the case for creation. According to the TRUTH, man was created. We can’t say it’s possible that man evolved. It is one or the other. I picked this particular issue, because it is easy to see how the truth cannot be a number of things about how man came to be.

As it is popular in our day, truth is not individualized but the truth stands alone. The truth about any issue of life is established on the premise of ‘how things really are’. But our perception of the truth may be different. I may perceive one thing in one way and another person may perceive the same thing in another way. But this does not mean there are two sets of truths. The difference is in how we processed the data, but the data is the same.

We are different in the inside as we are on the outside. As individuals, we have been shaped by the culture we grew up in, our life experiences and by the percepts passed down to us from our parents, caregivers, teachers and even friends. A lot has gone into making us the person we are today. Well, how do we know if we hold the ‘truth’ as it actually is rather than as we perceive it to be. As a woman of faith, I turn to the word of God. The word of God holds the truth as it actually is. It does not always say what I want it to say, but it is the truth. In Romans 12:2, Paul admonishes, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.’ Therefore, our mind needs to be renewed by the truth so we can have the sensibility to know the truth. The word declares ‘the truth shall set you free’. For instance, once you learn the mathematical truth that one plus one is two, you know the truth. This truth will allow you to know the true value of one plus one which is two. If someone says to you that one plus one is three, you will reject this false claim because you know the truth. Well, this is a very simplistic idea of truth but it illustrates the point.

 So if the truth is one, why do we have so many variations of it in our world as proclaimed by different religions and sects? It goes back to perception. Our perception dictates our translation of what we see and hear.

There is a hunger in all our hearts to find and know the truth. Jesus said in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Today, I point you to Jesus who proclaimed himself as the ‘TRUTH’!

The Power of Now

As a young person, we look forward to our life as an adult and the independence it will bring us. We don't really think about the responsibilities it will bring along with the privileges of being a grown up. We are so much in a hurry to grow up that we miss some of our childhood and the bliss of our carefree life (at least for most of us). It seems like with every new generation, children are growing up fast and losing their childhood innocence even faster.

Once we are adults, then we get caught up with everything that adulthood brings into our lives. We have to make a living and build a life, married or single. We discover that adulthood had a lot more than we anticipated as kids. As an adult who is working hard to make a living, we look forward to the time when we could be retired with good financial standing so we could enjoy the rest of our days doing the things we love to do. We day dream about the trips we will take and all the R&R we will have once we are on our own time. Well, I am not there yet, but based on my observations of my parents, life doesn’t always turn out according to your plans. For instance, my dad is busier now in his retirement than when he was employed.

It seems that the most important mission of life is living. To fully experience life, I have learned to be present in the present time. Life happens in the space of now. Now is the moment of time, when life actually happens. There is much time spent in all our lives either looking back to bygone days or looking forward to what is to come. Everything that I have experienced in the past are simply in the past and my worries about tomorrow are simple speculations. The more I dwell on my past, I feel stranded, losing my ability to move on with my life. The more I dwell on the ‘what ifs’ of tomorrow, I feel paralyzed by fear as I lose my ability to be in the glorious now.

My recipe for dealing with the past is prayer. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 so looking back we will always find things in our lives we could have done better. And if you feel you’ve done things that you are not proud of, then learn from your past mistakes and ask God to forgive you of your past sins. The blood of Jesus is just as powerful today to cleanse us if we will only believe. The way I deal with my future is to ‘hope’ in the living God. If you put your hope in him, it gets rid of all that anxiety about the future that you can’t always plan for. This is not to say that I don’t believe in planning, financial or otherwise, but I personally choose to put my faith in God. This faith walk allows me to unburden my heart and life and keep my load light. Faith and hope puts back the spring in my walk and keeps me smiling no matter what life may bring.

Staying in the ‘now’ allows you to fully experience your life. In the bible, the Apostle Paul writes (Philippians 3:13-14), “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal." As Christians, this is critical for us to do. Unless we are willing to let of our past with all its baggage, we can’t really move forward in the things that the Lord will have us to do. The baggage of our past will slow us down if not completely stunt our growth. There is such a wonderful freedom in letting go of our past. As we let go of our past, then we make room for our life in the present. We also allow God’s new blessings to flow in our lives.

By faith, I let go of the past and choose to press forward by living life in the present. Faith is an act of trusting God with my life and all my unseen tomorrows, taking one step at a time. Now is when my life is taking place. Now is the space and time when I can experience my life. Now is the magical moment of time when life happens. The magic lies in the simple act of being present in your own life. Do not let life pass you by! Watch out, your life is happening right NOW!